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The Responsibilities Of Parents There is a Biblical pattern for raising children and it is well summed up in Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 to 9... "6 And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9 And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates." The key points are to teach children God's word (His commands), and to do so diligently. When we raise our children there will often be a test of wills. That is due to our rebellious sin nature (Gen 6:5). We all want things to go our way (Isa 53:6), and children are no exception to this rule (see how Samuel's sons turned out in 1Sam 8:1-5). As parents we need to ask ourselves: Are we seeking the path of least resistance and letting the tail wag the dog? (see Deut 28:43-44) In other words, do we just let them do whatever they want until something goes seriously wrong - wrong enough so that we finally notice? Hopefully, we take an active role in setting guidelines for our children and hopefully we teach the biblical basis for our guidelines, rules, and decisions rather than just belch out edicts, proclamations, and various threats. Remember that the word of God is powerful, it is life-changing: Jer 23:29 Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces? Heb 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. If we teach our children from the Bible (by our words AND our deeds - James 1:22), then they will not be rejecting us when they rebel but they will be rejecting God (1 Sam 8:7). The importance of being a positive role model, of teaching by example: Do we get resistance to our rules simply because our children are sinful creatures or could it also have to do with how often they see our own hypocrisy in certain areas of our lives? James 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. What does hypocrisy mean? Matt 23:1 Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples, 2 Saying, The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat: 3 All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not. Regarding teaching by example: Mark 10:35 And James and John, the sons of Zebedee, come unto him, saying, Master, we would that thou shouldest do for us whatsoever we shall desire. 36 And he said unto them, What would ye that I should do for you? 37 They said unto him, Grant unto us that we may sit, one on thy right hand, and the other on thy left hand, in thy glory. 38 But Jesus said unto them, Ye know not what ye ask: can ye drink of the cup that I drink of? and be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? 39 And they said unto him, We can. And Jesus said unto them, Ye shall indeed drink of the cup that I drink of; and with the baptism that I am baptized withal shall ye be baptized: 40 But to sit on my right hand and on my left hand is not mine to give; but it shall be given to them for whom it is prepared. 41 And when the ten heard it, they began to be much displeased with James and John.42 But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. 43 But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister: 44 And whosoever of you will be the chiefest, shall be servant of all. 45 For even the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many. Php 3:17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. 2Thes 3:7 For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you; 8 Neither did we eat any man’s bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you: 9 Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us. 10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. 11 For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. 12 Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread. The importance of wives supporting their husbands: God has ordained that families be raised by a team of two, partners in ministry, in the raising of children. This partnership is doomed to failure if:
When should a parent take her child's side against their spouse? The answer is obviously - never, unless there is a violation of scripture on the part of the spouse. Management by yelling? How often do we yell at our children for not doing what we ask? Is this the biblical method? What are we teaching our children by yelling?... Prov 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. Prov 15:18 A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife. Prov 25:15 By long forbearing is a prince persuaded, and a soft tongue breaketh the bone. What does the Bible teach is the biblical method for dealing with rebellion? Prov 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Prov 29:17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Prov 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Prov 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Prov 23:13-14 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Parental Discretion Advised? NO! Parental Leadership Commanded! How often we see or hear the term "parental discretion advised"? Well just what does this mean and how does it relate to the role of parents to their children? I looked up the definition for "discretion" in a computer-based dictionary called WordWeb and found two interesting descriptions:
Regarding the first definition, certainly, no true Christian, who wishes to please his Lord and Master will want to act or judge on one's own, even though he may have that "freedom". Scripture commands us to obey God and to do that we must not act on our own, but rather we must act according to scripture... Proverbs 12:15 - The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. And regarding the second definition "judging wisely and objectively", we can only do that in proportion to our knowledge of the Bible. How do we judge wisely, if not by consulting God's word and by seeking godly counsel from God's people? And if we take "objectively" to mean "judgment based on observable phenomena and uninfluenced by emotion or personal prejudices", then we are to judge things as they really are, not with rose colored glasses or not according to how we were brought up or what we would like, but by what the Bible says. What happens with the father does not take the lead in the home, setting up biblical rules for living? Judges 17:6 In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his own eyes. Even the world knows that parents have a role to play in the life of the child. But many see their role as an occasional thing - intervene in the child's life only when necessary - when a problem arises. However, parents are to be proactive. It is the job of the parents - working with God and His word - to oversee their children, to screen and rate what they see and hear. It is not the job of Hollywood censors or of humanistic public school teachers or of anyone else for that matter. And parents are to do the training/teaching constantly, consistently, and biblically. Please consult the study "Educating Children - Whose Job Is it?" for more information on this issue. What things in a child's life need to be rated, graded, monitored, directed, overseen, supervised? Everything! Leave no stone unturned, else that one stone will come back to haunt you. If you were going to make sure that a plane you were about to board did not have a bomb on it, what part of the plane would you NOT inspect? Likewise, if you wanted to make sure that your little infant had not been bitten by a poisonous insect, what part of that child would you NOT examine? Do you see the point? We need to be thorough. Sin is thorough. It permeates every part of our being and every part of our child's being. It will creep in slowly and subtlety and every opportunity it can, even without peer influence. Sin is even more pervasive than anything else in our lives. It is sure to infiltrate where the defenses are down. It is sure to infiltrate in every area of our children's lives, especially those areas where are parental involvement is minimal. Like a magnet waiting to attract a piece of metal, so is sin waiting for its opportunity to go to work in our lives. So what are some of the areas of our children's lives that can get overlooked and yet have an important role in their health and growth? 1. Communication & quality time together: Eating dinner together - Do we come together at mealtime and discuss family concerns from a biblical perspective? What we do in this area shows who runs the house and how family members view their roles - as self-centered independent agents or as vital, essential members of a team. What are parents doing to make mealtime a rewarding time of day, when children can discuss their concerns, aspirations, and accomplishments with their parents? I truly believe that the way a family "does dinner" together is an important and an accurate measuring rod of the condition of that family. Are they all together first of all? How do they conduct themselves around the dinner table? What do they talk about? 2. Spiritual training: Having devotions/Bible studies together daily - What are we teaching our children about the importance of God's word and of prayer? (Deut 6:6-9) Preaching the Gospel - Do we go out somewhere - on a regular basis - with just our family or with other Christians to talk to people about the Lord and hand out Gospel literature? What are we teaching our children about our priorities and the importance of getting the Gospel out to a lost and dying world? Doesn't this speak volumes to our children about their own need for salvation? (see Mark 5:1-20, especially vs. 19) Shopping together - Do our children see us share the Gospel with store clerks and others? Are they also learning how to shop wisely and economically? Will our daughters grow up to become Proverbs 31 women (verses 10-31)? What do you think it takes for a girl to grow up into that kind of woman? Neglect? Chance? Will our sons grow up to be like Joseph, whose integrity and resourcefulness (by God's grace) resulted in him being given charge of the kingdom of Egypt? (see Gen 41:39-41). 3. Work ethic: Doing chores together around the home - Do our children can see that we are not afraid of hard work? They will not see us work if we work away from home and then come home and camp-out on the sofa all night. Can slothfulness be taught - certainly! Prov 24:30-32 I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; 31 And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. 32 Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Perfecting holiness What must be the focus of the parents to ensure the success of the Christian family? 2 Cor 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. What a wonderful verse. It beautifully summaries what parents must focus on if they are to be the kind of example that God would have them to be in order that they might raise Godly children. Do Christian parents have an option about how to raise their children, if they wish to please God and be obedient to the Scriptures? The answer can be found in Luke chapter 14: Luke 14:27 And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. 28 For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? 29 Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, 30 Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. 31 Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? 32 Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. 33 So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple. How high a mark, a standard should we set and expect of our children? 1 Cor 11:1 Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ. Php 3:14 I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. 16 Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing. 17 Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. 18 (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: 19 Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.) 20 For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: 21 Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself. 1 Cor 9:27 But I keep under my body, and bring [it] into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway. Language/vocabulary Do our children use the same slang as the world? Do we? Do they imitate the things they see on TV (which they should not be watching - see the article "Should Christians Watch TV?")? Do they speak to each other and to their parents with respect? Are they polite or rude? Do they interrupt others who are talking? Do they wine and complain when asked to do things or when told not to do things? What are the consequences to them if they do not speak with respect? (i.e. do we discipline them and how?) How much of their bad behavior is a reflection of our own manner of conversation or a result of us not exercising adequate biblical discipline? 1 Peter 1:13 Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 14 As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: 15 But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation <391>; 16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy. 17 And if ye call on the Father, who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's work, pass the time of your sojourning here in fear: 18 Forasmuch as ye know that ye were not redeemed with corruptible things, as silver and gold, from your vain conversation received by tradition from your fathers; 19 But with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot:
Psa 19:14 Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. Prov 8:8 All the words of my mouth are in righteousness; there is nothing froward or perverse in them. Psa 1:1 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. <03887>
2 Peter 2:10 But chiefly them that walk after the flesh in the lust of uncleanness, and despise government. Presumptuous are they, selfwilled, they are not afraid to speak evil of dignities. Titus 3:2 To speak evil of no man, to be no brawlers, but gentle, shewing all meekness unto all men. Psalms 17:3 Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress. Do we expect our children to speak, dress and act in such a way that strangers will easily be able to tell that they are the children of godly parents? Appearance - clothing, jewelry, makeup Do our children look like the children of the world? Jer 10:2 Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. Do they blend in with the ungodly or stand out? Do they set trends or follow the crowd? Do we care if our daughters look like prostitutes and our sons like skid-row bums? Why should it matter how they dress? Do we let our children dress and behave in a way that attracts attention themselves or to glorify God? 1Cor 6:20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. Have we taught them the meaning of 1Peter 3:3-4? ... "Whose adorning let it not be
that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; Prov 11:22 As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion. Prov 31:30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
What kind of works should praise a woman? If our children cannot handle peer pressure regarding "trivial" outward things, how will they ever have the strength of character to choose what is right in areas of serious moral consequence? Like Daniel who prayed to God even when it was against the law (Daniel 6:6-10)... Dan 6:10 Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime. Dating - versus courting - what does the Bible say about parental involvement? Dating is not in the Bible. The biblical pattern is for the father to grant permission to his daughter to marry a specific person. Either the father determined ahead of time who he was going to grant this permission to or the prospective husband (or his father) came of his own initiative and asked the father for permission to marry his daughter. Gen 34:8 And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife. Deu 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. Jos 15:16 And Caleb said, He that smiteth Kirjathsepher, and taketh it, to him will I give Achsah my daughter to wife. Judg 21:1 Now the men of Israel had sworn in Mizpeh, saying, There shall not any of us give his daughter unto Benjamin to wife. 1 Sam 17:25 And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, that the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel. 1 Sam 18:17 And Saul said to David, Behold my elder daughter Merab, her will I give thee to wife: only be thou valiant for me, and fight the LORD'S battles. For Saul said, Let not mine hand be upon him, but let the hand of the Philistines be upon him. 2Ki 14:9 And Jehoash the king of Israel sent to Amaziah king of Judah, saying, The thistle that was in Lebanon sent to the cedar that was in Lebanon, saying, Give thy daughter to my son to wife: and there passed by a wild beast that was in Lebanon, and trode down the thistle. The father did not necessarily pick out the daughter's husband but he certainly had the final say regarding whomever his daughter chose to marry. Do we set biblical rules about courtship or do we just let whatever happens happen like the slothful man in Proverbs 24:30-32? Provs 24:30 I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; 31 And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. 32 Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Note that the word "field" in Prov 24:30 can apply to our children. see also Psa 103:15 - Psa 103:15 As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. 16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more. Schooling (academics) The biblical method is for the parents to have this responsibility and privilege - to teach and to oversee what is taught... Prov 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Prov 23:26 - My son, give me thine heart, and let thine eyes observe my ways. Prov 1:8 - My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother: Prov 4:1 - Hear, ye children, the instruction of a father, and attend to know understanding. Prov 13:1 - A wise son heareth his father's instruction: but a scorner heareth not rebuke. Prov 7:1 - My son, keep my words, and lay up my commandments with thee What sacrifices in our lives are we willing to make to ensure that our children receive god glorifying instruction in academics, the scriptures, life-skills, arts, crafts, running a home, parenting? We must count the cost... Godly children do not grow by accident nor is this the goal of the public school system. What about going away to college? Do we guard our children until they reach the age where they face the most danger? Is a commuter college any safer spiritually or physically? Have we considered correspondence schools for higher education? Why or why not? Do we make excuses for not taking full responsibility and oversight for our children's education or do we set our face like flint (Isa 50:7) and do whatever is necessary to truly raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord? Home schooling does not guarantee perfect children either. If we are a bad example and if we are not very actively involved in the home schooling process then we are inviting trouble. Remember Deut 6:7... diligence is required! Entertainment - music, TV, videos - how much of the world should they contain? who much of the world do they contain? Have we reviewed everything that our children watch and listen to? If not, why not? Also, is the idea of entertainment biblical? Children learn something from everything they see and listen to... but just what are they learning? What does God want us to teach them? ... He wants us to teach them many things...
Titus 3:8 This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men. 9 But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain. Psa 101:3 I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. 2Cor 7:1 Having therefore these promises, dearly beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. So-called "Christian" entertainment How biblical is its content? Do we know? Do we care? Can we review everything? Isn't it simpler to restrict what is viewed and listened to - at least until we have time to review it ourselves? Isn't it easier to keep a garment clean than to have to try to remove a stain from it? Psalms 119:1 Blessed are the undefiled in the way, who walk in the law of the LORD. Are we going to be the watchmen and the shepherds of our families that God has appointed us to be? Ezek 33:7 So thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, and warn them from me. 8 When I say unto the wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die; if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at thine hand. Matt 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea. 7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh! 8 Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire. 9 And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire. Church as a family When we come to a house church meeting we are coming together as a family. What we do with our actual blood-related family members when we are together, affects the rest of the church family. We begin to have to deal with issues we never had to deal with before in conventional churches. What if the children of one family does something that offends others in the church? How is that to be handled?
Biblical correction is a mandatory part of the Christian life. One of the ways that God shows His love for His children is by disciplining them: Hebrews 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him Rev 3:19 As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten: be zealous therefore, and repent. If we are to love our brothers and sisters in the Lord and if we are to be obedient to God's word, we must also discipline one another when a fault occurs - one that is not repented of, not set right, not apologized for, or not even recognized. Luke 17:3 Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican. Leviticus 19:17 Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him. Psalms 141:5 Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head: for yet my prayer also shall be in their calamities. Proverbs 9:8 Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Proverbs 17:10 A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool. Proverbs 27:5 Open rebuke is better than secret love. Galatians 2:11 But when Peter was come to Antioch, I withstood him to the face, because he was to be blamed. 1 Timothy 5:20 Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. 2 Timothy 4:2 Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine. Titus 1:13 This witness is true. Wherefore rebuke them sharply, that they may be sound in the faith; Titus 2:15 These things speak, and exhort, and rebuke with all authority. Let no man despise thee. If we are to imitate the love of Jesus we must care enough about our brothers to biblically correct them whenever they are caught in a sin. This is what it takes to "restore" someone in a relationship. Restoration does not come about by ignoring sin. Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.
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