I IDENTIFY WITH ELIJAH

I don't if it's just me but have you had this experience as a Christian, as a human being sincerely trying to follow in the path of The Lord Jesus and having those days of genuine joy and euphoria when you can just feel the Presence of The Lord right there in the room with you! when you can't help but be so filled with Faith you can move that mountain Jesus talked about!?
 
I don't know if it's just me but has this ever happened to you? those joyful days are followed by some of the worst days of my life! my connection to The Lord is suddenly no more! temptation is so difficult if not impossible to resist depression sets in and you don't want to show your face you don't even believe  in your own Salvation anymore you wonder what is going on inside of you heartaches and headaches assail you you hate yourself you feel distant from your friends in Church but when they ask you how you're doing you put on your brave Christian face and say that you are alright even though you're not because either you don't want to bother them they got enough problems of their own without you adding to them or you don't want to open up to people out of guilt and shame over your weaknesses and failures and you fear you will be shunned judged and set aside because you are having such a hard time in your walk with The Lord.
 
So you put on act you act the way you think a Spiritual Christian is supposed to act you talk  the way a Christian is supposed to talk but it is all just an act After a while you get so depressed so full of guilt and shame you just disappear nobody calls or comes to visit and after a while you forget those Joyous Days ever really happened so you just go back to your old ways.
 
Then I think about Elijah that fiery prophet of The Lord who took on all the priests of baal and all the other idols and vanquished them in spectacular fashion as he called down Fire from Heaven demonstrating to the people Who the True God was.
 
Then right after this Great Victory this attestation to his Strong Faith he recieved a death threat from queen Jezebel and went scurrying off into the desert running for his life to hide in a cave in the distant mountains.
 
Full of shame and guilt over his fearful flight Elijah asked The Lord to kill him on the spot right then and there because he no longer deserved to be among the living after his disgraceful actions but The Lord did not act in the way Elijah expected in the way he'd requested instead Elijah heard That Still Small Voice The Sound of The Lord's Tenderness His Lovingkindness and His Mercy His Comfort and His Grace without recrimination without condemnation without disappointment without rebuke.
 
I guess old Elijah way back when had the same kind of misguided conceptualization of The Lord  as we have nowadays.
 
The Lord dispatched an angel to minister to Elijah to nurture him back to strength after a while Elijah was good to go.
 
So every time  we think we have The Lord all figured out and we think we've blown it beyond The Lord's Forgiveness beyond His Mercy and His Grace ponder on old Elijah and consider that you have not even begun to comprehend the Magnitude the Scope the Vastness the Depth the Height the Sheer Power the Unimaginable Unsearchableness of The Lord's Grace and Forgiveness and Mercy and Forbearance and Patience and LOVE.
 
The next time you are down on yoursef reflect upon Elijah and by Faith Forgive yourself because The Lord has Commanded you to.
 
I totally relate to Elijah.

 Nestor Jaremko 6-1-2013