“Synthesis” – The First Book Of Carl Pagan

A Parody By Professor Michael Varnell

 

carl sagan agnostic spiritually blind evolutionist

 

1. IN THE BEGINNING THERE SOMEHOW EXISTED A SINGLE SPOT.

 

2. And this spot was without form, and of undetermined size; And darkness was upon the spot. And an “unexplained Big Bang” moved upon this spot.

 

3. And the Big Bang caused a great light: And there was light.

 

4. And the resulting chaos divided the light from the darkness.

 

5. And man eventually called the light day, And the darkness he eventually called night. And the years and the centuries were the first eon.

 

6. And somehow the stars, galaxies, and planets evolved.

 

7. And all matter resulted somehow from this unexplained Big Bang. And so it happened.

 

8. And Man eventually called the result the cosmos. And the years and the centuries were the second eon.

 

9. And water somehow evolved, and dry land evolved after eons of evolution: And so it happened.

 

10. And Man eventually called the dry land earth; And the collecting together of the waters called he seas: And it was a good chance arrangement.

 

11. And thru some yet undiscovered chemical reactions, life sprang up from the dead matter and eventually evolved into grass and all plants, fruits, vegetables, and trees upon the earth; And so it happened.

 

12. And life began as a one celled organism and evolved into all forms of vegetation and plant life.

 

13. And the years and the centuries were the third eon.

 

14. And the stars divided day and night and eventually man used them to chart his horoscope and he eventually called this astrology.

 

15-18. And the stars gave light to the earth, as it so happened to evolve.

 

19. And the years and centuries were the fourth eon.

 

20-22. Then from the plant life evolved sea creatures of all kinds, which eventually evolved into lizards, which eventually evolved into birds of all kinds.

 

23. And the years and the centuries were the fifth eon.

 

24-25. And then all other land creatures evolved (all of which had evolved from the original one celled organism without leaving any traces of transitional forms between kinds in the fossil record).

 

26-30. And then monkeys evolved further than all other creatures developing reason, language, and superior intelligence……… becoming Man.

 

31. And the years and centuries were the sixth eon.

 

32. Thus, in complete contradiction to the “second law of thermodynamics”, the cosmos evolved and it all made sense to man?

 

In spite of what evidence-deniers like Carl Sagan say, the TRUTH is:

 

“In the beginning GOD created the heaven and the earth.” Genesis 1:1

 

Additional evidence against evolution: