Vows For Couples Who Are Just Living Together

 
I, (your-name-here), do hereby declare, that since I view marriage as only a piece of paper,
And since my parent’s marriage was a failure,
And since so many marriages today end in divorce,
 
I solemnly commit to you, (so-and-so), to live with you for the time being,
And to share housing, food and other expenses with you,
And to have someone to fornicate with when the urge arises,
until such time as I feel I’d be better off elsewhere,
 
To have and to use – as you are having and using me,
Until I feel like you are getting the better end of the deal,
At which time I will complain unbearably until things change in my favor,
Else I will take off with the children – if and only if I want the responsibility,
Or I will leave without them, if I think life would be easier for me to leave them with you.
 
And this is the extent of my commitment to you,
Because I want to be able to abandon you and this relationship when I feel like it,
without the need to go through a lot of legal paperwork and expense.
I don’t want these commitments to be in writing because I want to be able to change the rules
for this relationship at any time and at a moment’s notice.
 
And since you, (so-and-so), are just as afraid of self-sacrifice, responsibility and a lifetime commitment as I am,
I expect you to be as equally somewhat committed to me, if I dare use such a strong word as committed. Amen.
 

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