How To Guard Against Adultery And Affairs

Published January 2, 2020

For the most part, I believe that the majority of affairs and adultery are a long term side effect of a marriage where trust and communication broke down a long time ago. From personal experience, I have learned that many couples run into marriage problems because they simply don’t know how to communicate, or don’t want to communicate – in kind loving ways – to their spouse, that they have been hurt by something the other person said, did, didn’t say or didn’t do… and those hurtful things were never addressed properly (i.e. in a godly, loving way) or in a timely fashion. How many sane people abandon healthy thriving marriages?

Some spouses don’t recognize problems because what has happened is they have already caused a communication breakdown where the other spouse is afraid or unwilling to share any hurt feelings, because doing so previously has only caused more problems (conflict & strife) in their relationship. And that can be a tough rut to get out of. So, some people tend to give up on the relationship and simply “move on” to another one.

The solution as some people advise, is not simply to “be careful about whose shoulder you cry on”, because if a spouse decides to do that with a member of the opposite sex, it may be way too late to start addressing relationship problems and communication breakdowns. WAY TOO LATE! The solution is to talk TOGETHER as a couple with another MATURE and TRUSTED Christian couple when difficult problems arise AND to make sure that you focus your marriage on fixing hurts – really fixing hurts – as soon as they happen… Don’t just wait until things get so bad that you think you need to go out and PAY a marriage counselor to fix things that you broke. Paying a marriage counselor tends to be like putting a bandaid on a broken leg. You will always be better off talking to a godly married couple – whom are your friends and who you both trust – and who are not money-motivated to have you come back every week… and who can end up making one of you feeling left out or picked on because they are only one half of a married couple themselves, if they are even married.

I don’t disagree with the premise that husbands and wives need to be careful about whose shoulder they cry on. That is undeniable, that should be guarded against always, but people don’t bother guarding against those things when they are hurt or ignored and where trust and communication have broken down. — RM Kane